Did you know that female spouses initiate approximately three out of four divorces? This figure could change in the years to come as a result of new laws that allow for same-sex marriages. Nevertheless, it's an interesting statistic to note. It takes a great deal of courage for any spouse to initiate the "divorce talk," and maybe this is proof that women are the most courageous of the human species.In some cases, spouses who want to be free never state their wish to divorce because they just don't know how to do it. If you're feeling this way, the advice that follows should help.
How to broach the divorce topic
Think about your relationship before you bring up the topic of divorce. Will your spouse be surprised about the news? Will your spouse agree that it's a good idea? The more surprised your spouse is by your decision to divorce -- and the more he or she does not want to get a divorce -- the more your spouse will attempt to change your mind.
Choose the timing carefully -- preferably when you both have a good amount of time that won't be subject to interruptions. Be prepared for your spouse to respond with anger and accusations that you're hurting your children and your spouse -- and your family as a whole. Your spouse could even accuse you of doing terrible things. This is normal and predictable, so try not to become alarmed and try to stay calm.
Don't defend yourself and don't try to fight back
Your spouse might react so negatively that you'll be tempted to blame him or her for the divorce, citing numerous instances of neglect, insensitivity and behavioral issues. However, saying these things could set the tone for your divorce proceedings to come. The wise course of action is to hold your tongue. In fact, this could be the best advice you could ever receive if you hope to divorce quickly and cost-effectively.
Your husband or wife could be experiencing a high level of pain, and -- like a wild animal in pain -- he or she could be tempted to go on the attack during your divorce process. Any experienced divorce lawyer or mediator will tell you that divorcing couples never agree on history.
The more you can own in yourself that your decision is the right one, the less you'll feel inclined to engage in petty disagreements. You'll also want to know your legal rights as a divorcee -- which will help you navigate your divorce process rationally.